All The Deets On My Mental Health | Part Two
Part two? I never thought I'd be doing a follow up post on this subject but here we are 🙊
In September 2016 I posted my story about my mental health. The good, the bad and the ugly. It was very honest and open and largely for those reasons I am rather proud of it.
You know what they say, a lot can change in a year... Well even more can change in two.
It has been one hell of a ride.
I have been at rock bottom, and lived there
- i may as well have become the mayor -__-
given up, felt worthless and honestly believed that recovery was something I would never be able to achieve.
While I also suffer from depression and anxiety, OCD well and truly wrecked my life.
There were points along the way that I didn't want to touch anyone or be touched. I spent most of 2015 in my room. Hiding. At times I wouldn't leave the house for a month at a time. It feels as though OCD made me feel allergic to life. Everything that involved speaking, coming into physical contact or touching other people scared the life out of me. I avoided it at all costs.
Over the last year, with hard work and determination, my OCD has slowly but surely improved 😃
This year I decided to do something that has always scared me : go on medication. Now, since being on tablets for some time, I feel more like myself than I have for a very long while. My OCD has become so minimal that I feel that I live a pretty 'normal' life 😄
This past week I started a new job. Since my OCD began I have been unable to work, which is something that has always upset me.
But now I am proud and ecstatic to say that I am working, which is something that for a long time, I thought was only a dream.
While I'm not suggesting that everyone goes on medication, it has certainly helped me in more ways than I can count. If I could go back, I would definitely have stated treating my OCD with medication much sooner. But that's not how it works. What I can do though is continue on. Living my best life. I am not saying 'I'm cured from OCD!'. I believe that it will always be with me, a little voice that tries to regain control. But I feel far more prepared to deal with it now and it has become a much quieter voice.
As of August 2018 I consider myself to have recovered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 😭
I honestly never thought I'd be at the point that I'm at today. I feel tremendous pride and strength and happiness.
I'm so grateful for this journey but here's to the next chapter 🎉
I made it 💖
Thank you so much for stopping by 💗
In September 2016 I posted my story about my mental health. The good, the bad and the ugly. It was very honest and open and largely for those reasons I am rather proud of it.
You know what they say, a lot can change in a year... Well even more can change in two.
It has been one hell of a ride.
I have been at rock bottom, and lived there
- i may as well have become the mayor -__-
given up, felt worthless and honestly believed that recovery was something I would never be able to achieve.
While I also suffer from depression and anxiety, OCD well and truly wrecked my life.
There were points along the way that I didn't want to touch anyone or be touched. I spent most of 2015 in my room. Hiding. At times I wouldn't leave the house for a month at a time. It feels as though OCD made me feel allergic to life. Everything that involved speaking, coming into physical contact or touching other people scared the life out of me. I avoided it at all costs.
Over the last year, with hard work and determination, my OCD has slowly but surely improved 😃
This year I decided to do something that has always scared me : go on medication. Now, since being on tablets for some time, I feel more like myself than I have for a very long while. My OCD has become so minimal that I feel that I live a pretty 'normal' life 😄
This past week I started a new job. Since my OCD began I have been unable to work, which is something that has always upset me.
But now I am proud and ecstatic to say that I am working, which is something that for a long time, I thought was only a dream.
While I'm not suggesting that everyone goes on medication, it has certainly helped me in more ways than I can count. If I could go back, I would definitely have stated treating my OCD with medication much sooner. But that's not how it works. What I can do though is continue on. Living my best life. I am not saying 'I'm cured from OCD!'. I believe that it will always be with me, a little voice that tries to regain control. But I feel far more prepared to deal with it now and it has become a much quieter voice.
As of August 2018 I consider myself to have recovered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 😭
I honestly never thought I'd be at the point that I'm at today. I feel tremendous pride and strength and happiness.
I'm so grateful for this journey but here's to the next chapter 🎉
I made it 💖
Thank you so much for stopping by 💗
All The Deets On My Mental Health
As
this blog is a mixture of a bit of beauty and a bit about my life,
some things that I'm sure will be about neither.
I
do tend to waffle :D
I
thought I would write a post talking about my mental health. Kinda
like an introduction to what my life is like living with mental
illness'.
It
makes sense to me that I should share with you the details as I'm
sure I will be talking about it quite a bit on my blog/channel.
Ok,
so I've got OCD. I was diagnosed in 2014, and it really isn't all
about being overly organized and washing your hands all the time
(although,
I am guilty of both of those!).
At
that time I was working in a shop and I was getting more and more
stressed.
I
was crying everyday, panicking and I wasn't even able to switch off
when I got home.
I
was checking and re-checking everything. It was taking up so much of
my time.
Even
when I had checked something for the 5th time I still wasn't
convinced.
I literally didn't
trust my own brain.
Something
wasn't right.
My
family had seen everything that was going on and urged me to see a
doctor.
I
was diagnosed and in some ways it helped to know what was going on.
Unfortunately
I had to leave my job within weeks of being diagnosed.
It
had continued to worsen and the whole situation became more than I
felt I could handle.
The
best way for me to describe it is the same way a lot of others do and
that is to break down the name itself :
Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder.
Having
OCD involves having obsessions. For example, I will feel dirty.
Literally dirty.
It may be because I have touched something I think
may be dirty or sometimes, I just plain feel it.
I panic. I fear
contaminating someone/something so I try to find a way to deal with
this situation.
Which
leads us to the compulsions.
Performing physical and/or mental
'rituals' in the hopes of relieving the anxiety.
In this scenario, I
would then want to quickly find a way to wash my hands, if I can't do
that for whatever reason, I will use hand sanitizer.
That
brings us to the 'D' - Disorder.
OCD
is a mental disorder and not something to be taken lightly or
romanticized.
"The illness affects as many as 12 in every 1000 people (1.2% of the population) from young children to adults, regardless of gender or social or cultural background. In fact, it can be so debilitating and disabling that the World Health Organisation (WHO) has actually ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life." *link*
Unfortunately,
I have obsessions and compulsions from a few different 'types' of OCD.
In
the beginning, my main compulsions were centered around checking.
Whether
it be plugs, windows, the correct orders at work, making sure I
haven't said the wrong thing... The list goes on.
Ever
since then, my checking has minimized; due to the fact that I am at
home everyday and don't go out and mingle with people very much
(reducing
the amount of plug checking, talking to people etc.).
My
contamination OCD has progressively gotten worse. I don't like being
touched, touching other people or their belongings.
I
am not scared of germs, I am concerned that I may be
dirty/contaminated and that in touching someone/something I will make
them ill.
During my first round of C.B.T, it was brought to my attention that I have a heightened sense of responsibility.
To me, anything and
everything is my fault. I feel it wholeheartedly, it's not just a passing feeling.
I have a hard time believing otherwise.
I have a hard time believing otherwise.
I
also suffer with anxiety. Talking in general and interacting isn't
easy for me.
I worry a lot about what I say and that I may hurt
someones feelings or offend them.
Amidst everything, I struggle with lack of self care.
I am not a priority and I don't treat myself with the love and respect that I feel everyone should.
Recovery whilst feeling this way is incredibly difficult to say the least, but I am trying to persist.
Recovery whilst feeling this way is incredibly difficult to say the least, but I am trying to persist.
Phew!!
So that's pretty much the ins and outs of my mental health.
With each of the above mentioned issues I struggle with, it has been a learning curve.
Since being diagnosed, I have looked back and been able to see that some illnesses have been with me for quite some time, under the radar.
I wasn't always as constrained as I am now and that gives me hope for the future :)
So that's pretty much the ins and outs of my mental health.
With each of the above mentioned issues I struggle with, it has been a learning curve.
Since being diagnosed, I have looked back and been able to see that some illnesses have been with me for quite some time, under the radar.
I wasn't always as constrained as I am now and that gives me hope for the future :)
This
year I have begun to learn how to live with my
mental illness' rather than be controlled by them
and that is a huge deal to me.
Baby steps.
Baby steps.
